So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
