i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
