theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
