the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
