I smell stomach acid.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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