Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
