I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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