if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
