I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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