I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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