Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Terrible idea I love it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
