I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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