I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
