I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
These tits shall not be calmed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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