I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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