This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize