I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
