if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
