i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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