I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
