Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
