I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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