remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
