It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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