I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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