Yo dont text me then not text me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
