hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
