Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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