he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
