I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize