I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
