i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
