do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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