home. puking in laundry basket.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
