I think my vagina is haunted
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
