I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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