Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
