While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
