when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
