I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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