I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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