he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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