he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
