OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
