I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
