I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
bring money and cleavage
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
