she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
