There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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