I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize