bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
