I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
