Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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