Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
