1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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