i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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