Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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