my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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