Jerry, you need to find god
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Randomize
