why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
