its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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