I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
