Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
