just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
