there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
