Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
