Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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