Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
