The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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