You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize