guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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