you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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