i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
