I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
