We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
