i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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