I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
