I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we have pet lesbian snakes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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