WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize