I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
