my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
