So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
