She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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