why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
